Kate Winslet is attached to star in a new version of “Mildred Pierce,” the role that earned Joan Crawford her Oscar. Variety reports that it would be a miniseries and that HBO is the lead contender to get it.

I began comparing the two actresses in my head and couldn’t really come up with much. It’s like that saying “it’s like comparing apples and oranges.” So I decided to break it down into a battle, or throwdown, if you will. The two actresses will compete in a couple different categories and be scored appropriately.

The gold

Joan is a classic. She has three Academy Award nominations and one win. Kate has one Oscar and six nominations. I’m not sure which ratio is better. Crawford had fewer nominations, which means fewer losses. But since all actors say that “just being nominated is an honor,” looks like Kate wins. Kate: 1, Joan: 0

The films

Despite Joan’s popularity, she wasn’t in that many great movies. “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane” and “Mildred Pierce” were great, but it takes a trip to imdb to come up with her other movies. Kate, however, has been a powerhouse when it comes to that. From “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” to “The Reader” (and … eek … “The Titanic), she’s unstoppable. Kate: 2, Joan: 0

Diva factor

Joan missed the Oscars the night she won, but after hearing it on the radio, she held a press conference in her bedroom. She routinely threw fits with executives at MGM and at Pepsi board meetings. And according to “Mommie Dearest,” hated wire hangers and a dirty bathroom. Kate lives a very quiet and modest existence. Though she did thank her attorney when she won her Oscar. Kate: 2, Joan: 1

Who would win in a fight

Do I really even need to break this down? Joan could kick Satan’s ass for crying out loud. Anyway, Joan drank a quart of Vodka a day. Though only 5’5,” she was a towering, intimidating woman. She even allegedly chopped down a tree in her front yard in the middle of the night. And those eyebrows. They’re scary. Who would want to mess with a woman with those eyebrows? Then we have Kate. She’s quiet and modest. Kate: 2, Joan: 2

Final score: Kate: 2, Joan: 2

It really is all apples and oranges.

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