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Return of the movie mustache!




It wasn’t until I watched the trailer for “The Men Who Stare at Goats” that I realized how many current and upcoming movies are featuring mustaches. For years, the upper lip has been bare. But not since Tom Selleck has there been so much hair there (OK, except for Daniel Day-Lewis in 2007’s “There Will Be Blood” and then there’s Borat, but whatever).

The mustache is back. Maybe it will finally get the respect it deserves.

Half of the cast of “Goats” are sporting mustaches. Most impressively is George Clooney‘s. And of course Brad Pitt’s wearing one well in “Inglourious Basterds.” Most surprisingly, though, is Michael Cera‘s in “Youth in Revolt.” I’m not 100 percent sure his is real though. Nor am I 100 percent sure he could even grow one if he tried. I can relate, Michael. I can relate.

I can feel a top 10 list coming on. Who has your favorite movie mustache?

Oh great, Rob Zombie to remake ‘The Blob’


Variety is reporting that Rob Zombie will leave the “Halloween” franchise alone and focus on other unoriginal work: remaking 1958’s “The Blob.”

And here I was hoping we’d be treated to “Halloween III: Season of the Skank” by Zombie. Imagine it: an updated but gritty Silver Shamrock company, run out of the back of a dirty whore house’s old shed, and undoubtedly led by Sheri Moon Zombie, would distribute dirty clown stripper masks that would melt the faces of kids on Halloween night. I imagine Sid Haig would’ve also played a role. Because when doesn’t  he?

Boo. Instead he’s going to reinvent “The Blob.” I do find it intriguing to see “The Blob” done with better effects, but I’m not sure how this could go. Zombie’s quote to Variety brings up a good point, but it also scares me. “My intention is not to have a big red blobby thing — that’s the first thing I want to change,” Zombie said. “That gigantic Jello-looking thing might have been scary to audiences in the 1950s, but people would laugh now.”

It’s called “The Blob,” though. That’s what a blob is. It doesn’t have to be red. But it has to be a blob.



Paul Aufiero (Patton Oswalt) has a dead-end job and lives with his mother. He doesn’t date and spends his nights listening to sports talk-radio and masturbating. He’s 35.

And he couldn’t be happier.

His happiness is at its peak during football season and as long as his beloved New York Giants are on top, he’s on top. He’s a super fan, you might say. He wears his favorite player Quantrell Bishop’s jersey and decorates his child-like bedroom with Bishop memorabilia.

Despite his Giants obsession, he never makes it to an actual game. He and his buddy Sal (Kevin Corrigan) spend game days in the stadium parking lot listening to the game on the radio.

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‘Heathers’ the TV series? How very.


Someone get me a glass of that Liquid Drano that killed Heather Chandler quick!

Variety reports that Fox and Sony TV are developing a “Heathers” TV series. I haven’t looked at a calendar today, but I think it’s been 20 years since “Heathers” came out. So, why make a series about it now? Maybe they think a movie-to-series will work now, since it surely didn’t 20 (give or take) years ago (think “Ferris Bueller” and “Uncle Buck”). 

I just don’t like the sounds of this. I think I’d rather be gently probed with a chainsaw. How is the “Heathers” story going to play out week after week? Does a student die each week?And my god, who will play Martha Dumptruck? I guess I should just be happy it’s not being remade into a movie. 

Lunchtime poll: Do you think a “Heathers” series would be big fun or lame?

I need a nap. All those “Heathers” puns wore me out.

The best horror sequels


Sequels. Love them or hate them, they’re going to be served to us. As we all know, sequels are rarely better than their predecessors, and sometimes they’re just plain bad. But every now and then a second installment (or third or fourth) might rank right up there with the original. 

Since Rob Zombie’s “Halloween II and “The Final Destination both open this Friday, I’ve assembled my Top 10 Best Horror Sequels.

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Five reasons Megan Fox should not be Catwoman


There’s a rumor all over the Web today that Megan Fox has been cast as Catwoman in Christopher Nolan’s next “Batman.” It’s merely a rumor. If by some crazy chance it’s true …. well, here’s five reasons why it shouldn’t be true:

1. Her crazy Fred Flintstone thumbs wouldn’t fit the Catwoman gloves.

2. Nolan is a serious director. His movies feature serious Oscar-worthy actors.

3. Geeks would probably die to see their beloved in a cat suit. It’s too dangerous.

4. She should hold out for “Wonder Woman.” An Amazon woman with thumbs like those is more believable. 

5. Her thumbs scare me.

(Bad Megan Fox as Catwoman illustration by me)

You can own ‘True Blood’s’ original score


Need something to listen to while you’re sipping your bottle of O-negative Tru Blood? HBO has just the musical collection for you.

They’re making the entire score for the HBO vampire drama “True Blood” available and it can be pre-ordered online now. The score is written, performed and mixed by Nathan Barr. He also scored movies like “Hostel” and “Grindhouse.” The CD includes 21 tracks and is priced at $17.98. There’s no indication if it will be available for download.

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NBC’s ‘Mercy’ a ‘Nurse Jackie’ ripoff?


Showtime’s “Nurse Jackie” ended its first season Monday night. If you missed it, don’t worry, you can catch it again this fall on NBC under another name, “Mercy.”

I’ve been seeing the TV spots for the new fall show, and after watching the entire season of “Nurse Jackie,” I’m shocked at all the similarities between the two shows. Even if it was one great big coincidence, someone should’ve picked up on them and re-shot some scenes for “Mercy.”

Here’s a breakdown of the similarities (“Nurse Jackie/”Mercy”):

1. Nurse Jackie (Edie Falco) is a nurse with an attitude/Nurse Veronica (Taylor Schilling) is a nurse with an attitude.

2. Jackie is married and having an affair/Veronica is married and  might have an affair.

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‘Avatar Day’ reactions mixed


I’m so bummed. I didn’t get any presents or cards for “Avatar Day.” I’m being silly. Actually, I didn’t get to see the free footage because there wasn’t a theater close enough (and I had concert tickets to Journey and Heart).

So I did the next best thing. I raided various blogs and read a lot of comments from people who saw the 15 minutes of James Cameron’s “Avatar.” Like every other movie in history, some people liked what they saw and some didn’t.

The most surprising thing I discovered was that most theaters weren’t full of people, despite all the people who wanted tickets and couldn’t get them.

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The five best things about ‘True Blood’


HBO’s “True Blood” is the runaway summer hit, breaking its own ratings record last Sunday with 4.5 million viewers.

So what makes the show so popular? I’m sure everyone has different reasons, but allow me to offer my top five reasons (in random order really).

1. Eric. Bill (Stephen Moyer) might be the star of the show, but it’s mysterious Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) who most people have their eyes on. He’s sexy and scary and after last Sunday’s nude scene, message boards were on fire. And it’s a good thing we’ve gotten used to the blonde bloodsucker because we can expect to see a lot more of him as he and Sookie’s (Anna Paquin) relationship goes to new levels.

2. The sexiness. I touched on this a bit with Eric, but every episode is filled with sexuality. From the animalistic orgies hosted by Maryann (Michelle Forbes) to Jason’s (Ryan Kwanten) V-fueled sexcapades, there’s never a shortage of sex in Bon Temps.

3. Jessica and Hoyt. Newbie vamp Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) has gone from annoying to awesome. She’s hot and hilarious while maintaing an innocence and sadness. Her relationship with human Hoyt (Jim Parrack) is shaping up to be one of the most believable in Bon Temps. Mama’s Boy Hoyt is so much in love with her he’ll even stand up to his overbearing mother.

4. The pushing-the-boundaries/Alan Ball effect. Creator Alan Ball (also responsible for the amazing “Six Feet Under”) isn’t afraid to take risks. He trusts the viewers enough to know we won’t roll our eyes and run when a woman turns into a crazy beast who worships Dionysus.

5. The theme song/opening. From the religious fanaticism to the “God Hates Fangs” sign, the opening does a fantastic job setting the scene for the show. Withing seconds we’re certain we’re seeing scenes from the deep south. We know we’re about to be taken to a place where minds are as small as the town. And it’s all set to “Bad Things” by Jace Everett. It’s a great song and perfect for the show.

What are your favorite things about “True Blood”?