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‘True Blood’ recap: Fairies and werepanthers



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“True Blood,” Season 3, Episode 10: “I Smell a Rat”

Last night’s “True Blood” was pretty mild (borderline boring) compared the the rest of the season.  And to only have two episodes left, that was kind of a disappointment.

We did learn, finally, that Sookie is a fairy. Most of us already knew that from the Sookie Stackhouse books so I’m not sure why it was such a secret for so long. We also find out that Crystal Meth is a werepanther, which is also no surprise to the book readers.

Not much else happened besides that. Oh wait, out of the blue we discover Sam Merlotte used to be a bad guy. And also out of the blue, Lafayette might be a warlock. My eyes can only roll so far in the back of my head, Alan Ball.

Here’s HBO’s recap:

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‘Mad Men’ recap: Hondas, haircuts and …



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“Mad Men,” Season 4, Episode 5: “The Chrysanthemum and the Sword”

This week’s “Mad Men” was about two things: Honda and Sally Draper. One of these things gave us the most interesting story of the season so far. The other made me want to burn out my eyes with hot coals before retiring to a dark room. Forever.

So let me start with the pleasantries. Pete Campbell (Vincent Kartheiser) has Honda interested in Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce. Honda, at this point, only makes motor bikes. Honda’s first car, the Civic, wasn’t introduced until 1972.

So Honda could be a huge account, but they learn a rival firm is also in the running. But before they clear that hurdle, Don Draper (Jon Hamm) and the others have to defeat Roger Sterling (John Slattery). Roger wants nothing to do with Honda because it’s a Japanese company. And he fought in World War II so, to him, they’re still the enemy. So Roger nearly blows it for them.

Don comes up with a genius plan to throw the other firm out of the running and secure SCDP’s win. Of course Don’s plan works and they win. If Don could only be as good a human and father as he is an ad man … But for the record, Don’s only mean to three women in this episode: his secretary, his babysitter and Betty (January Jones).

Speaking of Betty … that brings me to the other storyline. You know, the one that makes me want to erase my brain? So Betty knows her daughter Sally Draper is messed up. We all know that. She wasn’t America’s sweetheart before her parents divorced. In this episode, she badly cuts off her hair, forcing Betty to slap her. But then Sally does something that I think is somewhat normal for a kid to do. Just not normal for a TV show to show a kid doing. Sally… Sally… ummm … she … well … I can’t even say it. Maybe I can say it with the following visual aid:

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It’s not that I’m embarrassed by masturbation. I think it’s hilarious when Judge Reinhold does it in “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” (shown above). But a 10-year-old girl? Not so much. Anyway, Sally’s latest lands her in therapy. I’m sure shock therapy is next. Parents did seem to over do it in the 60s. OK, that’s enough of this recap. Time to start up the brain erasing machine.

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‘True Blood’ stars Moyer, Paquin get married



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Us Weekly is reporting that the stars of “True Blood” Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer were married in Malibu. Reported guests included “True Blood’s” Carrie Preston (Arlene) and Elijah Wood.

Congratulations to the new couple. We’ll celebrate tonight by watching you guys play in blood and guts in this week’s “True Blood.”

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‘Weeds’ recap: The Botwins hit the road



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“Weeds,” Season 6, Episode 1: “Thwack”

When we last saw the Botwins, Shane had just murdered Pilar with a croquet mallet.

Season 6 premiered last night and picked up right where last season left off. Luckily Shane’s (Alexander Gould) voice is still changing to match last season. Nancy (Mary Louise Parker) freaks out in her normal bored fashion and packs up her and her kids and prepares to hit the road. First she has to stop and pick up Andy’s (Justin Kirk) van.

At Andy’s we find that he didn’t actually flee when his fiance (Alanis Morissette) was about to be murdered. He just ran outside to hide. Nancy saves the day but not Andy’s relationship. Alanis kicks him to the curb so he decides to tag along with Nancy and the boys.

Then they drive a little bit and the episode ends. I know it’s only a 30-minute show, but it was seriously over before it started. I don’t even think I laughed at anything. I mean what was there to laugh at? I’m sorry, but I don’t find teenaged sociopaths funny. I find them sad and scary. And don’t even get me started on Nancy’s mothering skills. She has none. And why is Silas (Hunter Parrish) still tagging along? Isn’t he a grown man now? Shouldn’t he be off to college. Or at least trying to take care of himself?

I’ve loved “Weeds” for most of the show’s run. And I still highly respect it. But from season 4 on, I’ve been nothing but disappointed. And at this point in the show, it seems like it’s already over. This season is screaming “final season.” As it should.

I’m crossing my fingers “Weeds” will make a comeback. But with no Celia (Elizabeth Perkins), I don’t know if that’s possible. I’m holding onto hope, though. But for now, the best thing I can say about “Weeds” is that it comes on before “The Big C.”

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‘True Blood’ recap: Everything is … nasty



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“True Blood,” Season 3, Episode 9: “Everything is Broken”

I love “True Blood.” I love horror movies. I love gore. But even I was disgusted with the first five minutes of last night’s “True Blood.” I was literally screaming at the TV during Sookie and Bill’s disgusting shower scene. There’s some things you just shouldn’t do with blood and that was one of them. Gross.

The rest of the episode was good, of course. The fallout from last week’s gay vampire sex that ended in a staking was center stage. It looks like Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) may have single handled started a war between Vamps and humans. I mean, what else can happen after Russell’s on-air rampage? It should be interesting to see how that story plays out.

And does anyone else want the Jason and Crystal storyline to end? It’s going no where. Just make Jason a werewolf already and please get that disgusting, bad-acting meth head off my screen. Jason can do better than that.

I know, you’re looking for an actual recap instead of my bitchy commentary. For the real recap, check this out:

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‘Mad Men’ recap: The sexual revolution begins



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“Mad Men,” Season 4, Episode 4: “The Rejected”

And here I thought the Vietnam War was going to take center focus this season on “Mad Men.” Who knew it was actually going to be the battle for sexual liberation.

We see nude photos rejected by Life Magazine (hence the brief nudity warning before the episode began). We see a focus group of young women melting down because they know men are pigs no matter how pretty they make themselves. We see Don’s secretary Allison, who’s been rejected by him, liberate herself from Don and proclaim it will be interesting working for a woman instead of him. We learn that no one owns Peggy’s vagina; it’s only being rented. And we also get a look inside an underground art house movie (pornography by 1960s standards) party.

It’s subtle, but it’s happening. On one side we see the women freeing themselves from the men. On the other we see the men holding onto them. Pete is acting like he fulfilled his duties as a man by impregnating his annoying wife. And Don can’t be bothered to apologize to anyone, much less a woman.

But that’s all just the subtext. On the top layer, we have ourselves a Peggy (Elisabeth Moss) and Pete (Vincent Kartheiser) show. Peggy meets a lesbian photo editor on the elevator who invites her to the underground party I mentioned earlier. At first I thought Peggy was being naive and would only embarrassingly find out later that she was the object of a woman’s desire. But apparently she got it.

Peggy is clearly the most progressive, free-thinking person at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce. She even smokes some grass (or refer  — which term is more period appropriate?).

Pete is forced to break the news to his father-in-law that SCDP has to drop the campaign he threw Pete’s way last season. But Pete is delayed when he finds out his wife Trudy is going to have a baby. He acts as if it’s the first time he’s ever fathered a baby, of course. I wonder if his love child with Peggy will ever resurface.

Pete also has a lunch with Ken Cosgrove (Aaron Staton). We finally get to see Ken, whose been in the credits all season. Ken tells him he’s getting married then picks a fight with him as usual. I knew I could count on Ken to give it to Pete.

There’s not much of a Don Draper (Jon Hamm) rundown to do, but I’ll try: Don gets a picture of him and the real Don Draper’s widow. He has an “aww” moment since she’s the only one who seems to bring out his emotions. He drinks a little. Smokes some cigarettes. Feels slight guilt for the way he treated Allison. Remembers he has a penis and crushes the guilt. The end.

There’s been no Betty (January Jones) for two episodes but it looks like we’ll see her next week as she admits she “wants him dead.” I’m sure she’s talking about Don. Or maybe it’s one of her kids. She does seem to hate them. Can’t wait.

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‘Scott Pilgrim vs The World’ review: Best movie of the summer



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Geek movies come and go but “Scott Pilgrim vs. The World” is what those movies only wish they could be when they grow up.

Edgar Wright‘s video-game/comic-based fantasy-action-comedy, upon first glance, seems like a lot of things it’s not: A film aimed only at nerds, a film that’s trying to play into too many genres, and another Michael Cera as an awkward teen movie. It’s none of those things. It’s a perfectly finessed movie that anyone can enjoy. I’m not a comic nerd or a video game nerd and I thought it was the best (and funniest) movie I’ve seen this summer.

The story goes something like this: Scott Pilgrim (Cera) is kind of a slacker. He’s in a band and has no where to sleep but in the same bed as his gay roommate.  Then falls for Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead). She’s a complicated girl. But Scott’s willing to fight for her. Literally. In order to be with Ramona, he has to defeat her seven evil exes (including Chris Evans, Jason Schwartzman and Brandon Routh).

One by one,  Scott takes on the exes in a classic video-game way, earning coins and 1-ups as he defeats them. By the seventh evil ex (Schwartzman) the battle has turned from one of merely love into one of self respect. Scott defeats the final ex and gets the girl. No spoilers there as the movie is based on the series of graphic novels by Bryan Lee O’Malley. So stop complaining I ruined the ending.

It’s clear that the filmmakers loved this movie. They put their hearts and souls into it. It’s actually quite rare to find a movie that is so well-done you can pick up on that. I did. And the casting was perfect. There could’ve be no other Pilgrim but Cera. And Scott’s bandmates and friends (including Anna Kendrick, Allison Pill and Kieran Culkin) were perfect too. Culkin added a lot of humor as the gay roommate.

See this movie. Seriously. For some reason it only opened in 5th place this weekend. That’s a travesty. Skip “Eat Pray Love” and geek out with Scott Pilgrim.

My Rating: A+

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TOP 5: The very best of the ‘Friday the 13th’ franchise



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Tomorrow is Friday the 13th, so I know some of us horror fans will be celebrating it with viewings of one of the most popular horror franchises ever. So in honor of the unluckiest day of the year, I’ve compiled our Top Five movies from the original “Friday the 13th” franchise.

1. “Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter” (1984). I know you can’t believe I didn’t start with the original “Friday,” but get over it! I kid you. Really. It’s just that the fourth one has always been my favorite. “The Final Chapter” is famous for being the one where the hockey-mask-wearing killer Jason Voorhees is finally taken down by Tommy Jarvis (Corey Feldman). Of course he returns in the sixth installment (the killer in the fifth is a lame copycat Jason). This is one of the scariest of the series and includes some of the best kills. Who wouldn’t appreciate Crispin Glover getting a meat clever in the head?

The best bad quote: “Come on, Sara! Strip and dip!”

Dead bodies: 13

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‘True Blood’ recap: Lots of angry sex



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“True Blood,” Season 4, Episode 8: “Night of the Sun”

Last night’s “True Blood” was a little less bloody than the past couple weeks, but no less shocking. Legions of gay fans were finally treated to some Eric Northman (Alexander Skarsgard) gayness last night. But don’t worry, ladies, he’s only  a little gay. We also see Sookie (Anna Paquin) and Bill (Stephen Moyer) patch things up in a very heated way. And I was hoping she was headed for some wolf love with Alcide (John Manganiello). Oh well.

Watch the recap here:

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‘Mad Men’ recap: Welcome to 1965



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“Mad Men,” Season 4, Episode 3: “The Good News”

This week’s “Mad Men” opens in a very happy place. No, it’s not Acapulco. Or Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce. It’s Joan’s vagina. She’s at her gynecologist. It seems Joan and her rapist, I mean husband, are trying to start a family. But like many busty secretaries of that time, she’s worried a previous “procedure” performed in a back alley might hinder her chances. The only thing that’s going to hinder her chances is Vietnam.

We got our first mention of the war this season last night as Joan (Christina Hendricks) reminded husband Greg that he’ll soon be headed there. It’s New Year’s Eve 1964 and the American ground war started in March of 1965, so we can only imagine the doctor won’t be returning in one piece. I’m anti-spoiler, so I could be completely wrong about everything I say regarding what lies ahead. But I imagine much of this season will be centered around the ground war and the intensification of the Vietnam conflict in general.

I’m actually pretty excited to see the mid- to late-60s happen on “Mad Men.” It’ll be fun to see that shift from wholesome and tidy America to the protesting, dirty hippy divided country. I can almost hear Buffalo Springfrield’s “For What It’s Worth” playing now.

You mention my favorite historic era and I get sidetracked. Back to last night’s “Mad Men.” So Don Draper (Jon Hamm) is less of an ass this week. He’s planning to head to Acapulco for New Year’s with a 24-hour layover in Los Angeles to visit with the real Don Draper’s wife. As weird as his trips there always turn out, it’s nice to see Don as Dick Whitman. He’s almost a carefree Dick. It’s almost like he likes to be a free and loose Dick while he’s there. At any rate, he’s definitely a refreshing Dick.

This time around, he finds out his sort-of ex-wife Anna is dying from Cancer. She herself doesn’t know exactly. But her sister and niece are sure of it. Don’s reaction is both surprising and not. As hard as Don can be, he also has a soft side. Mostly for his children and for Anna. There’s something about Anna that he loves. It must be that she knows the real Don Draper. One of only two women (Betty being the other) who does. And she’s the only one who chose to still accept him.

So Don gets sad and leaves. He heads back to New York instead of sunny Acapulco. When he gets back to the office (why did he even go there? Everyone is enjoying the new year), the only person there is Lane Pryce (Jared Harris). Lane is now experiencing a split marriage as well and he and Don decide to get drunk together. It’s fun to see the normally uptight Lane let loose. He’s loud, obnoxious and allows Don to buy him a whore. Awesome. Of course the next morning, uptight Lane returns and he even pays back Don the $25 for his prostitute.

And that’s pretty much it. We get a couple glances at Pegs (Elisabeth Moss) and what appeared to be a cardboard cutout of Roger (John Slattery) and a second of Pete (Vincent Kartheiser). Other than that it was the Don-Joan-Lane show.

Happy New Year.

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