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‘Afterschool’ trailer: More bad prep school kids



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I was totally excited when I heard there was a movie called “Afterschool.” All these thoughts started flowing through my head. Thoughts of teen pregnancy, teen bulimia, teen suicide were in my head. I was all “Cool! An After school Special movie! Now only if Kevin Dillon and Mary Stuart Masterson weren’t so old they could star!”

Then I found out it’s not that exciting. I’m kidding. IFC’s “Afterschool” looks pretty cool actually. You can always tell how cool an Indie movie is going to be based on the cheap Helvetica-like font used for the title.

The movie opens in limited release Oct. 2, but I keep reading that it will be OnDemand Sept. 30 on certain cable systems. I’ll keep you posted if that’s true. And if it shows up on mine, I’ll review it for you.

Oh, and to the 15,000 comment board commenters, this movie looks nothing like “Heathers” to me. Heather Chandler died from Liquid Plummer, not rat poison. Get your teenage murders/suicides straight!

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‘Barbie’ movie deal struck



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Universal Studios has made a deal with Mattel to make a live-action Barbie movie.

The movie will apparently be 15 hours long so it can cover Barbie’s periods as a nurse, a teacher, an astronaut, a rocker and President of the United States. It will also finally expose the sexuality of Barbie’s ex Ken. It will star a newcomer who has no nipples, an impossibly tiny waist and no joints.

I’m kidding. Not about the movie, just my description of it.

“Barbie is the most famous doll in history, a unique cultural icon in the world of brands,” Universal Pictures chairman Marc Shmuger told Variety. “So many representations of Barbie frequent pop culture, but never before has she been brought to life in a motion picture.”

There you have it. Let the casting rumors begin!

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‘Twilight’ author to get richer



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Stephenie Meyer, the author of the “Twilight” series has sold the screen rights to her first adult novel The Host.

Variety reports that “Gattaca” director Andrew Niccol will write and direct the film.

The Host is a love story set in the future and focuses on an alien parasite who finds a home in a dying human. Sounds like a far leap from her daylight-prone pretty-boy vampires.

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Patrick Swayze’s 7 greatest roles



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Hollywood lost a superstar Monday when Patrick Swayze died of cancer at age 57. He leaves behind an impressive resume and some pretty memorable moments. I’ve compiled the Hollywood Hills Top 7 Patrick Swayze roles.

1. Miss Vida Boheme, “To Wong Foo: Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar.” Swayze in drag is something most thought they’d never see. His ultra-masculine body and face as a woman? Never. But he did. And it was … well … fabulous! His best moment here: the opening sequence. We watch Swayze transform from man to queen. All to the beat of Salt N Pepa’s “I Am The Body Beautiful.” Swayze said this role was even more of a challenge than learning to surf and dance (which were for two of his other roles on this list).

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Patrick Swayze dies at 57



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Dirty Dancing” star Patrick Swayze died Monday after a battle with pancreatic cancer. He was 57.

Swayze was most known for his role in the 1987 dance movie starring opposite Jennifer Grey. He also surprised everyone as his portrayal as Vida Boheme in 1995’s “To Wong Foo: Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar.” His othe popular movies included “Ghost,” “Point Break” and “Road House.” He most recently starred in the A&E series “The Beast.”

“Patrick Swayze passed away peacefully today with family at his side after facing the challenges of his illness for the last 20 months,” his publicist said in a press release.

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REVIEW: ‘True Blood’ season finale a true bore



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I love “True Blood.” And I’ve loved this season of “True Blood.” There was never a dull moment. Until the season finale Sunday night.

The episode started with the ritual/orgy where Maryann (Michelle Forbes) was about to offer up shapeshifter Sam Merlotte (Sam Trammell) to the God who comes. Bill (Stephen Moyer) saves the day while Sookie (Anna Paquin) screams a lot and acts stupid. The town is then released from Maryann’s spell and everything goes back to normal. Way too quickly. Except for the part where Eggs goes crazy and has to be taken out. But who really cares about Eggs? He was a pointless character and a terrible actor.

So that season-long storyline was wrapped up and I was certain I’d be treated to a nice juicy mystery setting up next season. Nope. All we got was Sam going on the hunt to find his birth parents (who cares?) and Bill getting kidnapped after he proposed to Sookie. Gee, I wonder who would be behind the kidnapping of Bill? Oh, wait, I bet it’s Eric (Alexander Skarsgard). You know, since he said earlier in the episode that he’d “take care of Bill Compton.” Speaking of Eric, he was barely in the episode. They should know by now Eric is who everyone wants to see. And how pointless was the Vampire Queen (Evan Rachel Wood)?

I just expected more. I wanted something serious to happen. I wanted a huge cliffhanger. I wanted werewolves. Or something.

I give the season an A- and the season finale a D+.

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DVD REVIEW: ‘Grace’ is why vegan lesbians shouldn’t have babies?



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I don’t ask for much when it comes to movies. Hell, I love subtlety and the power of suggestion. But I need at least a little bit of guidance from a filmmaker.

Paul Solet gives me none in his feature debut “Grace.” I still have no idea exactly what I watched. What I do know is that “Grace” is a movie about a woman named Madeline (Jordan Ladd) who wants to be a mother in the worst way. After two miscarriages, she and her husband successfully become pregnant again. With only three weeks left until delivery, Madeline is in a car accident that kills her husband and her unborn baby. She refuses medical treatment and decides to carry the dead baby to term.

When the baby is finally delivered, it’s not dead after all. At least not completely dead. The new mommy soon realizes that her breast milk isn’t enough for little Grace. She has a taste for blood. And then there all the flies in the nursery and Grace’s pungent smell.

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Tina Fey, Justin Timberlake win Emmys for SNL spots



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The Creative Arts Emmys were given out last night and Tina Fey won the guest actress Emmy for her portrayal of Gov. Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live.

Justin Timberlake took home the guest actor award for his appearance as host on the show.

The awards in the guest drama categories went to Ellen Burstyn for “Law & Order: SVU” and Michael J. Fox for “Rescue Me.” Variety has the list of other winners for the night, but the big awards will be given out Sunday, Sept. 20.

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Update on two ‘Children of the Corn’ remakes



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I know the original “Children of the Corn” was bad, but do we really need two remakes to make up for it?

Not only is SyFy (still can’t get over what a dumb re-name that was) airing a TV-movie version of “Children of the Corn,” Dimension has announced a theatrical remake already equipped with a screenwriter – Ehren Kruger (“Transformers 2,” “Scream 3”).

Based on the short story by Stephen King, “Children of the Corn” was first made into a motion picture in 1984. Starring Linda Hamilton and Peter Horton, it was a laughable film. Dimension executives think the story can be told much better.

“We felt the New World film was a missed opportunity,” Bob Weinstein told Variety. “If you read the short story, it’s got such a strong feeling to it and there’s this religious overtone to it as well. Ehren wants to hit it hard. It’s popular in Hollywood to say you re-envisioning a project but a lot of the time they’re just carbon copying the original. We are bringing something new to the story.”

The Dimension remake is not 100 perecent official, but the SyFy version apparently airs Saturday, Sept. 26.

Source: Variety

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Hollywood, movies are out of control



A Hollywood Hills blogitorial

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Movies are seriously out of control. 3-D this, remake that. Super hero this, epic fantasy that.

We’re going to become so desensitized that we won’t even be able to enjoy a movie. Or we’re going to get to the point where we think “I liked that movie well enough the first two times it was remade, so I don’t need to see a third remake just because this one is in 3-D.”

I’m barely exaggerating. You know this.

Actors hardly even act anymore. The green screen or CGI does all the work. I love special effects as much as the next guy, but what’s wrong with a simple, well-acted movie? I know they still exist, but they’re talked about less and less these days. All the movie news and blog headlines read something like this:

“Live-action My Little Pony killer robots IMAX movie green-lit”
“The Terminator being remade in 3-D and will star a CGI recreation of Marlon Brando!”
“Green Lantern, Green Hornet, Superman, Spiderman, Wonder Woman, Catwoman, Batman, AAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“Avatar to forever change cinema and cause multiple orgasms among women AND men!!!”

It’s just all becoming too much. Aren’t we stressed out enough? How are we supposed to retreat to a theater and relax when we have all these movies flying at us? It used to be we’d see a couple nice talkies a year, then be treated to one or two amazing blockbusters. And we’d go home and wait for the excitement of next year’s big summer HIT. Singular.

I hate to tell you this, but movies have peaked. Until the day we’re able to be a part of the movie we’re watching, nothing is going to truly excite us anymore. And it’s only getting worse because of all the similar movie experiences that are being delivered to us.

And remakes. What’s with them? “The Fantastic Four” is already being remade. What could they possibly give us that Chris Evans and Jessica Alba couldn’t? Well, probably a lot, but that’s beside the point.

I’m going to go relax and watch “Ordinary People” and try not to think about what’s going on in Hollywood for two hours.

What are your thoughts? Someone argue with me.

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