“True Blood,” Season 3, Episode 12: “Evil is Going On”

I don’t know if it’s because the rest of the season was action- and blood-packed, but I thought the “True Blood’s” season finale was the worst episode of the season. And that’s not cool. Season finales are supposed to be the best.

They’re supposed to tie things up, set things right and set things up. They barely did anything. And before you go there, let me stop you: you’re going to say they did set some things up. Well, sure they did but what? None of the cliffhangers were even cliffhangers (I’ll explain that more but first I should start from the beginning.

So we have Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) and Russell (Denis O’Hare) dying out in the sun. First of all, no one ever thought Eric would die. And he didn’t. Sookie (Anna Paquin) saved him. And ghostly Godric convinced Eric to not kill Russell. Instead he buries him alive in cement.

Bill (Stephen Moyer) decides to do the same to Eric for one of two reasons: 1. So Eric won’t tell Sookie a big secret none of us knew about or 2. So Eric won’t exploit Sookie for her fairy blood.

Eric escapes with the help of Pam (Kristin Bauer) then makes his way to Sookie and Bill. Just as Sookie is about to fall for Bill again, Eric reveals that Bill was sent to find Sookie by Queen Sophie-Anne (Evan Rachel Wood) in the first place. And that he set up their whole first meeting, which resulted in Sookie first drinking Bill’s blood.

Sookie throws Bill out and runs off to the cemetery where she runs into some fairies. They invite her to go with them and she disappears. I guess that’s one of the big cliffhangers. But do we care? I mean where could she possibly go? To fairyland? Big deal.

Meanwhile, Bill invites Sophie-Anne over for some fairy blood. But he tricked her. He tells her he really invited her there for a battle to the death of one of them. They do that stupid flying/Matrix floating bulls**t and that cuts out. Ooooh. What a cliffhanger. Gee, who will win? A main character who has been on from the start or a second-rate guest actress?

And speaking of Bill, I don’t know if we’re supposed to trust him anymore or not. I mean, he’s like one of the two main characters. Weren’t we supposed to be rooting for his relationship with Sookie? Weren’t we supposed to love him and not hate him? I’m so confused.

What else? Oh yeah, Tara (Rutina Wesley) is acting all suicidal all night. She says goodbye to her mom. She cuts her hair all off. She goes by for a final look at Merlotte’s then drives off in Lafayette’s car (“Where that hookah goin’ in mah car,” he might say). I mean was Tara driving down the road to McDonald’s or off into the sunset? That’s not really setting up a storyline. Unless she’s gone all next season.

Jason’s (Ryan Kwanten) seasonal story has a ridiculous ending/set up too. He inherits Methland from Crystal Meth. He gets to take care of all the meth and all the inbred, toothless werepanther hillbillies. I’m serious. I wouldn’t joke about something that ridiculous.

Hoyt (Jim Parrack) rents a house for himself and Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll), but it seems the real story coming up for them might include Hoyt’s mom trying to kill Jessica. Maybe. I mean she was shown buying a gun, but that’s all.

Just when I thought this review was over I remembered Sam (Sam Trammell). Sam got mad Tommy (Marshall Allman) stole his money. And apparently, you can do a lot of bad things to Sam, but don’t steal from him. He won’t tolerate it. He’ll chase you down in the woods and shoot you. No matter who you are. Just ask Tommy, his own brother. At least that’s what we’re lead to believe. But that’s an easy one to get out of. Maybe he just shot him in the leg. Or he missed. Or Tommy shapeshifted.

Oh, and Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) and Jesus (Kevin Alejandro) are now witches.

What a soap opera this show has become. I can’t wait for next season.

Season Rating: A- Season Finale Rating: D-

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