Why ‘Nine,’ ‘Precious’ and ‘A Single Man’ scare me

There are  a lot of movies, both out now and coming up, that I will be seeing, but there’s something (or someone) about each of them that I’ve secretly been thinking makes them less legitimate.

For example, Fergie in “Nine.” I know she has like one song and is in like one scene or something. But there’s just something about her being in this potentially awesome movie that bugs me. And now she’s prominently placed on the poster above. I’m scared. I’m sure it’ll be fine. But in this tiny spot in my brain, there’s something whispering “a movie with Fergie as a star will never win an Oscar.”

Then there’s Mariah Carey in “Precious.” I hear she’s actually good in it. And the whole uni-brow thing helps legitimize her. But all I can think of is “Glitter.” And that makes me very scared. Again I hear, “a movie with Mariah as a star will never win an Oscar.”

I was this close to being worried about Mark Wahlberg in “The Lovely Bones,” but I got too distracted by Tom Ford directing “A Single Man.” The movie looks brilliant. And it does happen to star Goddess Julianne Moore. But since when does Ford make movies? Gucci and movies are hardly similar. Just because you make one, doesn’t mean you can make the other. But I hear he did a good job with the movie. So that’s fine. The voice this time is saying, “and the Oscar goes to Julianne Moore.”